and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
