Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Randomize
