That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Randomize
