Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
