According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
