The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
im calling her cock vulture from now on
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
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