the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
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