i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
