you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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