we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
