I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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