I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
