My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize
