Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
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