You're so nebulous sometimes
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
she pinky promised me she was 18
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Randomize
