you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
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