All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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