i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
her facebook's as public as her vagina
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Randomize
