I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Rock
Scissors
Fuck
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
