areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Randomize
