At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Randomize
