that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Randomize
