We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Randomize
