apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
