I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
I wish there were birth control emojis
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Randomize
