his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
