she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
