dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
