don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
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