I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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