how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
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