i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
