he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
