this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Damn victory sex feels great
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
