I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Randomize
