alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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