Me too!
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Randomize
