Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
Randomize
