I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
