trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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