Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
