24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Randomize
