he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Randomize
