the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
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