We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Randomize
