Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
