I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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