the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
