The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
