i think i have two assholes
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
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